Build Bridges Not Walls

Society has underg unmatched a massive change in the final stage few decades, with respect to both economic and social environment. And this change has impact spate of all age groups, starting from children and adolescents to the young, middle aged and old. The pressures to consummate every at school/college level or at jobs argon enormously high. Tinged with competition, technological advancement as well as the increase materialism, and hence with changing norms for social status and respect has set people into a mad madness of desires.With these changing definitions, people now ar unable to define needs, wants & desires. What maybe was a luxury in yesterdays generation is a need in todays generation. only when what people fail to understand is Desires be existencey, needs atomic number 18 few. Needs can be fill uped desires never. A desire is a need Bone crazy. It is impossible to fulfill it. The to a greater extent you settle to fulfill it, the to a greater extent it goes on asking and asking So in this mad frenzy of satisfying desires people forget the one of the basic needs for intellectual stability and peacea healthy kin.Man is a social physical and this is important for his survival and he is neglecting al almost all relations-Parents, friends, siblings,children etc, alone the most prominent failing relation is amongst a gay and a cleaning lady, be it husband & wife or a descent. As per laws of constitution its natural that a man and a woman develop an magnet which n atrial auricletimes culminates into a relationship and fewtimes ends in marriage, but we are seeing increasing number of broken marriages ,wherein there are repugnant differences between a duet and they enthrall on due to some binding factors like children or society.Sometimes these broken marriages end in make sense by and sometimes dont. The corresponding happens to relationships too and people flit from one relation to another trying to find that deluding p eace and happiness. Failure of relationships & marriages-WHY We conceive that if we defend someone who wants the same things as we do, it would be a riant relationship. We believe in an all overtly romantic ideal which sets us up for disappointment.Having chosen each other on the basis of convertibleity we hasten no skills to resolve the differences that inevitably emerge between any twain people, andour romantic spirit is crushed as easily as a paper bag. We avoid conflict when we should be training ourselves on its barbs. We ware come to suppose of compromise as a dirty word. When in fact you get nowhere in real spiritedness without it. We expression for partners who give us no problems, rather than partners we are good at overcoming problems with. We fail to understand that a man & woman are fundamentally different, not only physically but emotionally as well.Their reply to a situation or an approach to a problem is incessantly different, and it requires a great deal of patience & understanding to bridge this communication gap between a man and a woman. When a relationship culminates into marriage, and a couple stay together, these inevitable differences crop up more, and things, which looked diminutive or were not noticed in the relationship phase, now come into the forefront and slowly look like major hurdles, which couples find concentrated to move up.Instead of pass judgment each other, they set about finding flaws and try to make the other person animadvert and behave like them. The perpetual frenzy in this age of materialism, adds to this, comparisons in social circles take place, expectations dress up giving rise to ego, and the couple slowly start drifting apart mentally and emotionally and an invisible and impregnable wall is built between them. Not to mention many a times that too parents from either side are fuelling factors in this.The boys parents are salvage limit point mentally in their times and they are unable to cop e up with these changing times, and have expectations as were expected of them during their times , sometimes trivial issues becoming major factors for a break up. I personally know of a issue in my friends family, wherein an crease broke over an issue, of excessive salt being put in Dal. The argument took such major proportions, and so many other primal issues came up that my friends elder brother and sister in law left wing the house and took up a house outside and separated.Funny and sad too. But what needs to be introspected, is what proportions a trivial issue took to. Was it really deserving it? An issue of momentary discomfort which could have been just ignored. So also the girls parents in a bid to be over protective about their daughter deem interfering in her family life and adding fuel to fire. I know of another trivial issue which could have been solved between a couple, but because of the put innce of the girls parents, which further fuelled the ego in both sides , and it finally ended in a divorce.So what are the basics to handgrip a relationship or marriage ticking1) Both need to accept that however similar interests they share, they are basically two different individuals, hence differences are bound to crop up sooner or later. Also like some famous author said Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.. hence their emotional psyches are different and this needs to be kept in mind.2) Women need to understand a man more than loving him and a Man needs to love a woman more rather than trying to understand her .3) Both need to keep in mind that only both of them can solve their differences and adjust. Family or friends cannot do it for them. At best family or friends can be facilitative in cooling d confess a highly volatile situation.4) They should think that we see right or wrong from our point of view.. when we understand a person and think from that persons shoes we may think otherwise.5) Most of the times, a woman doesnt want a answ er rather she wants a sympathetic ear, so men have to attend more and offer less solutions. Rather a sympathetic ear and small tokens of affection works. Women also need to understand a mans need for his family and friends too. Its common knowledge that men form more die hard friendships so women and women need to understand that, when a man loves his parents or siblings or his friends and spends time with them too, it doesnt mean he loves her less.6) save arguments and fights are natural. Both should understand that they are in a port healthy and most of the issues are mundane. Hence they should learn not to carry it to the future. It should be dropped there and thusly. Please remember that, if we hold on to the past, then we cant move forward.7) If a relationship culminates in marriage, then the woman has to accept that like her parents and siblings are an inseparable part of her, so also are the boys parents and siblings are inseparable separate of him. Since parents belong to a different generation, there will be differences, but the solution doesnt lie in drifting apart. It lies in accepting them as they are and keeping communication clear with your spouse and with his jock bridging that gap. There can also be closed room, point-blank discussion between the boy and his father to find ways to close this gap.8) So also the boy has to understand that the girls parents mean the same to her and hence he shouldnt unduly restrict her or interfere in regards to her parents. He should also respect her parents as he does his own but take caution that, they dont interfere in their married life.9) Parents also on the other hand, need to be make to understand either through counseling or in open minded discussions to accept either son in law or daughter in law as they are, in order to keep peace in the family.Expectation instead of acceptance leads to problems is something needed to be understood by the couple as well as the parents. score bridges not walls F inally after taking care of these basics, if salve there are irreconcilable differences between a couple, which are a constant source of tension and is detrimental to mental peace and development, and the couple is finding it difficult to carry on, then its best to end the relationship or marriage amicably, rather than suffering continuously or clay slinging at each other. Remember A momentary infliction is better than a life long suffering.